Category Archives: Thoughts

Magic

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magic (ˈmædʒɪk)
1. an extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural source

Magic, for me, has always been those moments that seem too perfect to fit in with the mundanity of what we expect day to day life to contain. Fireflies dancing among the tree branches in the still of the night, a butterfly landing on your shoulder, the sunlight illuminating a meadow with such finesse that the blades of grass appear to glow and the shadows cast by the lone tree at its center whisper of secrets and mystery.

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2. unaccountably enchanting

When I really stopped to think about it, I realized that the most regularly occurring magic in my life has been linked to nature, not to the workings of man and our control over the natural elements. It flows from the natural beauty of the world around me and only reveals itself when I am ready to appreciate it; when I am at peace.

Magic, like beauty, is in the eye and the heart of the beholder. And if in your soul you are not willing to see it, it will simply not exist for you. Whether your life is filled with magic, or completely devoid of it, is entirely up to you.

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What is your magic?

Is it the figment of one writer’s imagination, is it spells and power from within, is it nothing more than a manifestation of our desires… or something else entirely?

3. having the power to make impossible things happen
— But isn’t impossible just a product of our point of view?

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Another way to skin a cat….

home-158089_640It’s a commonly accepted fact that with maturity comes obligations and limitations. You grow up, you get a job so you can be tied to a mortgage, you settle down, get married, pay for a wedding you can’t afford and with every child you become a little more indebted until you are so entrenched you cannot escape. This is normal.

I’m told repeatedly, it’s a good thing you are having your adventures now… seeing the world while you can. The implication is always hovering that there is some kind of time limit after which my life will simply cease to exist. As if it is inevitable that at some point I will walk down that path, a willing sacrifice, and end it all. How abysmal.

No thanks. I mean really… It’s like saying that when you turn 23 and 7 months you’re never again allowed to eat chocolate. Utterly ludicrous. Though if it were a commonly accepted practice in society, people would simply stop eating chocolate at age 23 and 7 months. Insanity.

I’m not saying that I don’t want to have a family or fall in love, I just don’t want to do it the way it’s always done.

There is more than one way to skin a cat, and I intend to find one that leaves the cat alive and happy in the end. Or perhaps we’ll just avoid skinning the cat at all, I’ve always felt a little sorry for the poor thing. It deserves a new metaphor… :P

I want a life that doesn’t end in virtual slavery. We live in a world of boundless possibilities and just because something is ‘normal’, that doesn’t mean it is right.

Come on, I mean if that were the case we’d still be burning witches at the stake and bleeding out fevers.

So call me crazy if you like, I really don’t mind. But if I shouldn’t settle for just any man, why should I settle for just any ol’ life?

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A crack in reality – Ocean’s Edge

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As I walk down the dark beach, the roar of the ocean the only sound I hear, the faint shimmer on the white capped waves the only thing I see; there is nothing to distract me from the power that surrounds me. The earth, the air; it hums with it. You can feel it down in the depths of your bones. I cannot imagine that anyone could stand with me and not sense it. It isn’t the gentle ebb and flow of the tide, it isn’t the gentle lapping of waves upon the shore. It is more than that here. The waves crash and roll, leaping forward; more alive than anything I have felt before.

It is strength, and here in this deep darkness, the moon and stars hidden by the clouds, the fog shrinking the world into what is right in front of you, it is loneliness. A great emptiness that rages and beckons. Terrifying and alluring. A sirens call.

Just the beginning

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I think first impressions are important. Often in that first split second you will get a feeling, a gut-reaction that can be extremely telling, even if you don’t know exactly where it is coming from. A sense of suspicion when you first meet someone. An unsettled feeling when you walk into a room. That flip in your stomach when you lock eyes with a perfect stranger. These moments have meaning, and should never be ignored.

That being said. There is only so much that you can know about a person or a place from the first initial introduction

I chose Ecuador as a destination because circumstances made it the most convenient and affordable place for me to shake things up a little. Not to mention the rather loud voice inside of me insisting that should I leave Canada, I had damn well better go to a place with sun.

Sun there is. My slightly crispy shoulders will attest to that fact.

I arrived in Quito with a cold. It had started developing the night before in Calgary and by the time the plane landed in Ecuador my ability to breathe, or eat without embarrassing myself had diminished almost completely.

When I arrived I was tired, my face felt like it was the size of an elephant and I was unprepared to enter a completely new world. My initial feeling was more akin to dread than excitement. I was afraid. Afraid I had made a mistake in signing the next six months of my life over to this new country. I was overwhelmed. The language was unfamiliar, I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying around me and it seemed like I was in a completely different world.

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I didn’t actually enter the city of Quito, so if you’re hoping for a run-down of the big cities you’re not going to get it yet. The airport is on the outskirts and since we arrived in the middle of the night we immediately went to our hotel in a small area called Tababela. (I’m not 100% certain the first hotel we stayed in was actually IN Tababela, though it was certainly nearby).

The first morning I awoke to the sound of birds. Beautiful birds with their delicate voices raised in song… and the rather forceful cock-a-doodle-do of the resident rooster. I don’t mind the roosters, they make me giggle a little every time I hear them. I will say this though: The idea that they only crow at dawn….. absurd. If he sees sunshine, a tasty bug, a pretty chicken he wants to make his own… you know, any of the things that are going to make your average rooster happy, he’s going to be doing a little cock-a-doodling. Love him for it. At least you know he’s enjoying life.

The hotel was really a collection of buildings, each with a few rooms and washrooms as well as a central building for eating. The whole area was enclosed in a compound of sorts, and filled with all manner of lush trees and flowers. Edible fruits were growing on trees that had barely grown to hip height, they don’t bother waiting for maturity to begin producing. It’s incredible. Flowers of every color and size lured me in and occupied both me and my camera for a great deal of time. This, my first real sight in Ecuador, was a veritable garden of Eden.

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And yet I wasn’t happy. I let my initial fears and uncertainty govern my reactions and didn’t let myself move beyond that initial impression.

The first three days we stayed just on the outskirts of Quito and didn’t do much beyond explore the small town center of Tababela. I found the combination of my cold and the altitude rather exhausting. I was passed out by 6 every night; there was no way I could keep my eyes open for another second.

But. An hour long flight from Quito to Guayaquil and a 3.5 hour bus ride from Guayaquil to Olon, and everything began to change.

I should never have let my first impression color my opinion of Ecuador. It is one thing to take that first feeling, that gut-reaction into consideration. But it is entirely another to hold on to it when the reality before you is so obviously different.

There is poverty here, without a doubt. The people live differently and yes, when they realize you are a tourist there are some that will try to take advantage of you. No where on this earth is perfect, and it never will be so long as humans remain imperfect. Such is life. But that doesn’t mean that the majority of the people here aren’t beautiful, kind and open. They greet each other on the street, they smile and they mean it, and it’s perfectly normal to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.

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So I’m taking Spanish lessons; I’m going to learn enough that I can communicate with the beautiful people here. I’m going to eat the amazing food, see the incredible sights and do my best to fully experience what this country has to offer.

See you soon chicos!

 

Crazy is as crazy does

I’ve come to a few conclusions lately about how to go about ‘being yourself’. I guess it all starts with knowing yourself (and being honest about it), something I have waxed on about at least once before.

There is an odd kind of relief that comes with being true to who you are. Even if doing so means crawling out on a rickety limb all by your lonesome. You know it’s probably a stupid idea, but whatever is hanging there is important to you. That split second before you find out if that limb is going to break, sending you plummeting into the somewhat frigid, and very lonely sea below; you’ll feel like you can take on the world. Because in that moment you are in control, you know what you want and you have found the guts to go after it. Regardless of whether or not it is going to work out in your favour. But before you can crawl out on that limb and be a little weirdo all by yourself; you need to acknowledge what it is that you really want.

Being honest with yourself about your quirks, your desires… your little obsessive compulsive triggers, is important. You know you’re crazy, just admit it. We all are!

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So. You’ve admitted you’re nuts. I’m very proud of you.

Now what?

Now you have to act like it. Let yourself be crazy. Pushing the crazy aside bottles it up, it’s not going to make it disappear. The crazy will build until the pressure is too great and you explode in what people think is an uncharacteristic display of insanity. The only problem is, it’s not uncharacteristic at all, you’ve just been keeping the truth from them the whole time. (How rude…) Unfortunately the ones that are going to receive the brunt of your lunacy are going to be the ones you trust most, those poor shmucks that are closest to you.

My theory on how to avoid these situations and not be consumed by your crazy side is to just always let it out, a little at a time.

If I desperately want to say something, and it is only fear of what someone will think of me keeping the words at bay – I should say it anyway. Get it out. Be honest about my opinions and my feelings.

If I’m going to spend the next three weeks driving myself batty wondering what the outcome of a choice would have been if I had taken it… Then I should just do it.

Obviously my advice is not applicable when letting out your crazy means committing a felony. Just thought I’d point that out in case you’re the serious kind of crazy and not just the ‘we’re all mad here’ variety. *End disclaimer*

So really… This whole post has just been another way for me to say…

“Bee yourself!” … Even though the genie technically beat me to it.

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Be brave enough to do or say what you need to do or need to say. It’s better to regret the mistakes that you have made than to spend an eternity holding on to a fear or a wish that will never come to pass. If it turns out to be a mistake, move on and try again later. If not… Enjoy being you. You’ll never win if you don’t play – this applies to life and the lottery.

Bet you never expected me to fit so many proverbs/cliches in the same paragraph! :P

Be willing to put yourself out there time and time again, let the world see your special brand of crazy, because those that love you will love you all the more for it – and those that don’t never could have loved you anyway and you’ll be just fine without them. You will. I promise.

You will. And so will I.

xoxo

Hello 2014. Nice to meet you.

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2013 was great.

I’ll tell you about mine if you tell me about yours. Look out, we’re getting personal!

Last year I set out to face my fears. To step outside of my comfort zone and find out who I am, where I fit in and what I want with my life.

I learnt that I am strong. That I am someone I can be proud of. That I am the only one that has ever held me back. I have acknowledged that I will not always succeed, but that it is only a failure if I do not begin again.

I faced my fear of the things I cannot control. My fear of being alone.

I came to realize that my shyness was nothing more than my own insecurities holding me back. I let them go – much to the detriment of any eardrums in my vicinity. I no longer believe that I was ever meant to fade into the background, to be overlooked or forgotten.

I have laughed; loudly and often. I have smiled. I have loved. I have cried.

I will continue to do so.

I am not going to make any resolutions this year, I don’t think that it is necessary. If there is something I want to do, I’ll do it.

I am going to live and I hope that you will do the same. :)

2014 is going to be the best yet. You’d better believe it!

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Your turn.

 

 

Latte with Honey

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I often find that the moments in life that strike me the hardest are the little ones. I said goodbye to someone today, not an individual that I know extremely well, but a regular customer at work that won’t be back until I’m gone. You wouldn’t think that I would be affected by this, after all I only see him for mere moments during the course of the week. Yet, as I shook his hand goodbye I felt unaccountably sad… Through our brief conversations he had become someone I appreciated, valued, and looked forward to.

It’s not the big gestures, the gifts you give or your material value that affects people in your life the most. It is how you treat them on a day to day basis; whether or not you show them respect, look down your nose at them or act like they don’t exist. It all matters. You might think that it’s ok to treat the grocery store clerk like he’s beneath you or snarl at the barista because you’re having a bad day. What can they really do about it? Chances are they won’t remember you the next day anyway. Perhaps they won’t, unless you leave an impression that stands out from the crowd, but what they will remember is how you made them feel. Despite what anyone does for a living, you cannot possibly know what they had to go through to make it to that job that day, or what they are hiding behind their own smiles, snarls or silence. Every person is worth as much as the next, and as such is owed no less respect than you would give the person you love most.

You might only see them for a moment, but that small interaction is more than enough.

I had originally planned to make this upcoming trip to Ecuador a year ago but due to circumstances it never happened. If I had gone, the list of people I would have missed would have been a short one. In the last year I’ve had the chance to meet some of the most exceptional people, and I wish there was some way to show them just how much the opportunity to be a small part of their lives has meant to me. So. To every one of you who brightens my days with your smiles, cheeky winks and riotous stories… I love you. No joke, no exaggeration. You are a beautiful person – I couldn’t feel anything less than love for you. Never give up your ability to make people smile, it is without a doubt one of the greatest gifts you can be blessed with.

I hope that I will always remember just how much these fleeting moments have affected my days; whether I’m scraping by at the bottom of the barrel or ruling the country – I want to remember that a kind word and a smile are so much more likely to change this world than a bitter complaint or scathing remark. I want to be the kind of customer, friend and co-worker whose arrival is looked forward to, not dreaded!

Until we meet again.

With love,

-B

Contemplate

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You’re sitting in an empty room. Nothing but you and four stark white walls staring back at you. Nothing but the sound of your own breathing to keep you company. No television to distract you from the world, no music to drown out your thoughts. No one to tell you how you should feel or what you should think. You’re no longer the clothes that you wear, or the style of your hair. There is nothing to define you but the essence of your soul.

There, in that empty room — who are you?

 

 

Dreaming Big

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I have been resisting the urge to write a romance for years. I kept telling myself that my first book needs to be deep and inspiring, a meaningful exposé of the human condition, filled with hidden plots and witty conversation. It needed to be important. But in the end… what is more important than love? More worthwhile? More deserving of the dedication required to write a novel?

How could it have ever been anything other than love?

I am a romantic. I always have been. I hope that nothing ever brings me down so low that I forget how to daydream. As such, my first completed, full-length story is going to be a fairy tale. And I’m going to love writing every page of it.

I barely have any clue what it is going to be about. There’s going to be a boy. And a girl. And magic.

I really hope you like it. :)

“I am a dreamer. I always have been. During every minute of the day the dreams are fluid, constantly shifting. With every breath, they take on new life, new form; an endless barrage of possibility. But in the night, when the world sleeps so peacefully under the glittering skies, until that first glow graces the horizon… In the night, I only dream of you.”

Kisses.

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There are some kisses that every person should experience. First, the terrible, slobbery, can’t-close-your-eyes variety – they are necessary to better appreciate the great ones. The passionate, push-you-up-against-a-wall kisses, that shut your brain off and don’t leave any room for thought. Kisses that are filled with longing, with hope, and kisses that are really just a whisper goodbye.

But mostly, kisses that you never want to end. Where you think you should pull back, maybe you even try to, but neither one is willing to walk away. Noses touch, hands pull you in and it doesn’t matter if you’re late for work or that someone might see or even that five minutes ago you were determined that this kiss was never going to happen.

Because those lips on yours fit; and you don’t care what impression you’re giving because you know the moment that those lips are gone… you will miss them.

And if, by some chance, you never get them back, you will never regret kissing them… just once more.