Tag Archives: Em

Do you believe in destiny? – “Em”

Nebula

 

“Do you believe in fate?” he asked, a twinkle in his eye.
“Yes… and no.”
“You’re not very good at straightforward answers are you?”
Em just shrugged, a slightly embarrassed smile curling up the corner of her mouth. He leaned forward and kissed her quickly, on that very spot, before she had time to react. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her towards him.
“Tell me then. You can’t just give me a terrible vague answer and leave it at that.”
“I didn’t want to be too long winded.” Which wasn’t entirely true. She didn’t mind talking, it was more concerning that he would think she was ridiculous. Anyone else and she wouldn’t care. But him? His opinion mattered so much more.
“Em. I’m used to it.” She jolted out of her thoughts, realizing for the first time that she was sitting very cozily on his lap. Her face warmed and she looked away, anywhere but at him.
“Fine, but you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” She paused a moment to collect her thoughts, or rather, to attempt to focus them on just one topic.
Wait. Did he kiss me?
She looked at him in shock, but he was the picture of innocence. She must have imagined it. Good grief. She was starting to lose her mind…. well. More anyway. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.
“Fate and destiny are tricky things.” She began, not noticing the faint sing-song lilt of her voice.He did, and smiled just a little as her eyes took on a dreamy quality. It was a different look from when she was thinking too hard about too many different things. It was so much more rare, there were no frown lines between her eyes and her lips weren’t pursed in concentration. She looked happily lost within her mind.
“Most people who believe in fate believe that no matter what you do, you will end up where you are fated to be. I think that is simply a lie that people feed themselves to make them feel better about their lives. If there is nothing they can do to change it, because it is destined to be, then they don’t have to try, they don’t have to dream and they certainly don’t have to fight for it. What will be will be.”
“But you don’t believe that?”
“No. I think in every moment of every day we have a choice. Every second we are shaping our lives and there is no one but yourself who determines how your life will turn out.”
“So you don’t believe in destiny?”
“No… I do. I don’t believe we have one all-fated destiny and that we will end up there no matter what we do. Your future is changing with every moment – where you end up cannot possibly be determined beforehand. I do think that there is one fate, one destiny that is meant for each person but most people never manage to discover it. They give up too soon or don’t try at all and at some point that destiny simply disappears from their future. I also think that it’s not always what people expect.”
“What do you mean – not what they expect?”
“Well sometimes when you look at someone, their supposed destiny can seem easy to figure out. Take for example a man who is extremely gifted musically. Those around him see him destined for what they think are great things. Playing for hundreds of thousand of people, gaining the admiration of a nation, fortune, fame… and perhaps all that is well within his reach. He could achieve it, and find himself desired and envied; but his destiny, his real and true destiny might be different. Perhaps he doesn’t chase down riches and the world sees it as a failure, maybe even he sees himself that way. He could have had it all! But time finds him living a simpler life, taking smaller gigs, playing at weddings, in orphanages, half-way homes. And suddenly there he is… not playing for adoration and to increase his own self-worth, but playing to brighten the lives of others. Giving them hope. Inspiration. Love. And being loved for who he is, not what he has.
Which would be the greater destiny?”

There was a long silence until finally she dared to look at him. At her movement he glanced up and smiled, albeit a little sadly. “I think you could change the world with that kind of thinking.” He said quietly.

It was her turn for sadness, “Perhaps, but the world doesn’t like to listen.”

***

Character Creation: Em (Part 4 – Here be Spiders)

This scene might be slightly familiar to some — but don’t worry, names have been changed to protect the scaredy-cat involved. Em was once again my character of choice…

Spider

Spiiiiiider

The word flickered through her brain like the creepy eight legged monster it portrayed; skittering across her subconscious with a terrifying kind of agility. She paused a moment before turning on the light, unwilling to believe what her mind was trying to tell her. The instant the light switched on she leapt backwards through the doorway, a scream bubbling up in her throat.

It’s bigger. How can it possibly be bigger???

He sat there in the sink, unafraid, knowing that to even consider challenging his dominance over the bathroom she would first need to conquer the crippling fear that prevented her from stepping back over the threshold into the room.

Can’t squish. Too big.

It was amazing how fear could abbreviate her usually long-winded thoughts.

A shudder wracked her body, starting at the hair follicles on the top of her head and working its way downward until there wasn’t a single hair lying flush against her skin. With sudden clarity she bolted for the kitchen and grabbed a bowl. She twisted the hot water tap and began to fill it when she realized that the two cups of liquid it held wouldn’t even phase the monster. Cursing her sleep addled brain she fished around in the bottom cupboard until she came up with the soup pot that she had never had occasion to use. A pot of soup made in this beast would feed at least 37 people. She didn’t even know 37 people.

Fully armed, Em returned to the bathroom, inching forward until she could just see the creature over the rim of the sink. She eyed the tap, knowing that it was far too close to him for her to hope that she might reach it first. Steeling herself, she swung the pot, water arched through the air, glistening with elemental power. It hit the spider with incredible force, dislodging it from its position at the bottom of the sink and sweeping it towards her with tidal strength.

The scream no longer bubbled, it ripped out of her, a primal challenge that managed to do nothing but accurately portray the depth of fear coursing through her veins.

The tidal wave settled as the water slowly drained down, leaving the creature standing, mighty and unphased, on the drain stopper. He hadn’t even had the decency to curl up into a spidery ball and show a smidgen of concern.

Hands shaking with the intensity of the confrontation, she returned to the kitchen and began to re-fill her weapon of choice.

He never should have been able to withstand that much water.

Visions of the spider being swept up in the water, carried over the rim of the sink and landing at her feet, played out before her. Unwilling to risk propelling him any closer, Em was much more careful with her second attack. This time she only emptied half of the pot but it didn’t do so much as dislodge the creature from its perch.

It’s inhuman.

She blinked.

Of course it is. Idiot.

The remainder of the water hit the sink with a great deal more force, once again dislodging the spider for a wild ride that ended with him swirling up the side of the sink, only to settle right back on the top of the drain plug.

If her scream was a whimper, at least there was no one around to witness her shame.

Collecting herself she filled the pot for a third time, taking a deep breath as she inched back towards the bathroom door. With a mighty screech she launched the entire contents of the container directly towards the spider, howling in victory as his fat body was finally forced down the drain.

With speed she didn’t know she had, Em dropped the pot where she stood and lunged toward the tap, wrenching it as far open as she could. After a moment’s hesitation she twisted the tap from lukewarm to scalding.

He would have done the same to me.

Leaving the steaming water to continue pouring down the drain, she let her shaking legs give way and collapsed beside the pot, giving it an affectionate pat.

I am king. None can defeat me!

A gentle touch against her nose had her on her feet and out of the room faster than a blink. Swiping frantically against her face, her heart stopped for a moment as her hand came away wet.

Oh god, I squished it on my nose.

But there was nothing on her hand but a faint smear of water. Confused she turned back to the washroom and took a moment to really look at the room. Moisture clung to every conceivable surface, there were puddles on the floor and there, from the ceiling – a drip.

The water from the tap became a roaring in her ears as she surveyed the damage to the once pristine room. Suddenly aware of a chill in the air she glanced down to discover that her pajamas were completely soaked through.

What… happened? …What have I done?!

***

Character Creation: Em (Part 3 – Thoughts)

Em (which could be short for Emily, Emma or not an abbreviation at all – I haven’t decided yet), seems to be sticking around… Her story has only just begun, but I’m having a whole lot of fun delving into her mind. 

This won’t be the last you see of her.
*** 
 
Lake
It was peaceful here; the wind, the seagulls, the sound of the water gently lapping against the stones. She let herself get as comfortable as possible amidst the rocks that made up the little peninsula, let herself relax and just watched. The sun glinted off the water, crystalline and beautiful. The sky a blue so deep it took her breath away.
I’m only robbing myself when I can’t see the beauty around me.
She knew it was true. Deep down she always had. But when the world seems like it’s falling apart, beauty is too hard to find.
Liar.  
Her treacherous mind just couldn’t let her get away with anything.
You’ve just been giving up. It’s easier to tell yourself there is nothing you can do than to try to change your circumstances.
Her forehead creased in irritation and she tried to focus on the sole fluffy white cloud floating lazily across the sky.
You’ve convinced yourself that being alone prevents you from being happy. As if you only have worth when there is someone standing beside you. If you can’t see the worth in yourself how the hell do you expect anyone else to see it?
She hated it when she was right.

***

Character Creation: ‘Em’ (Part 2 – Break)

Em:

“There’s something you should know about me,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on their intertwined hands.
He just watched her, waiting for her to continue.
“I break easily.” She tripped on the words, hating the truth of them, the fragility she was owning up to.
“I won’t let you break.” Though quiet, his words were confident, sure and heart-wrenchingly honest.
shards of glass

Picture via Sasha Trubetskoy

 

Character Creation: ‘Em’

Em doesn’t have a story, she doesn’t even really have a past. Not yet anyway. She’s one of the many characters I lug around with me on a day to day basis. I’m not sure why I felt compelled to write her today, without even a tale to weave around her. Though I’m packing her away until I find out exactly where she fits – she can have her few minutes in the spotlight.

Cigarette girl, pt.1
Photo by Kr. B.

Em (Unedited)

Thinking too much. It was the curse of having above average intelligence, or perhaps the ability to see things that weren’t there. To be honest she was never really sure.

The only thing that Em was certain about was the fact that over thinking things only ever got her into trouble. It ruined perfect moments, lost her friends, and prevented her from forming relationships that would go beyond that first initial spark.

Aah, if only she could live carefree and on a whim. She would take that kind of life in a heartbeat. No more worrying about events that were beyond her control. No more obsessing over the tiniest details. It would be sheer and perfect bliss.

Too bad it would never be in the cards for her. Short of a lobotomy there was little chance that her obsessive compulsive analytics would ever fade into the background.
It wasn’t as though she had never tried to turn it off; during that first kiss, that moment that you’re supposed to be able to remember, she didn’t want her own rambling thoughts to be the focus. But they were – breaking it down, determining if it was the right moment, if he really was someone she should be kissing, wondering if she’d brushed her teeth recently enough… when it was over she couldn’t even recall how the shape of his lips fit hers. There wasn’t a chance for a flame to ignite, let alone a spark, she’d been too busy dousing it in a deluge of pointless thoughts.
Em sighed and took a long drag on the cigarette dangling limply between her fingers. The stupidity of it, the risks, how nasty she was going to smell when she walked inside to escape the frigid air, it was all right there in her brain. She ignored it, as she generally did, but even the little cancer-stick was unable to calm her frustration.
Flicking the remnants carelessly on the ground she smashed her heel vengefully into the still glowing embers, feeling a brief moment of satisfaction as they were instantly snuffed out. Then, with a discontented moue, she bent over to pick up the cigarette butt and toss it into the nearest trash can instead. If she’d dared to leave it there she wouldn’t have been able to escape the incessant guilty feeling that would inevitably arise.
Shoving her hands into the deep pockets of her knee length jacket she shuffled off in the general direction of the small train station that dominated this particular section of town. As she walked along the pavement she alternated between stepping on the cracks and attempting to avoid them altogether, wondering the whole while when it was decided that stepping on cracks was unlucky, just who had come to this conclusion, and if it were true, what bad luck she might expect to see in her future.
…Nothing was ever simple.