funny story

The Bridge Incident

It’s a day like any other…

You’re walking across one of the more high traffic bridges in your city, (there are only three so it does tend to be quite busy) when you suddenly feel a gentle brush against your arm. That oh-so-gentle sweep that travels across, faintly jostling each arm hair just enough that you can feel the movement. Then, another brush, this time across your left eyebrow. You’re starting to feel a little uncomfortable now, so you reach up and brush away the phantom touch and continue walking as though nothing at all is happening.

The caresses continue, across your other arm this time, so you raise it in the air in an attempt to catch a glimpse of your invisible paramore. As you suspected, there is nothing at all there so you lower your arm and keep walking, rubbing your hands up and down your arms as though trying to cleanse them.

You swipe at something on your cheek, and then your nose — and that’s when you see it. Dangling innocently from your raised elbow, about a foot away. It’s the culprit, a tiny little spider that, along with its hoard of compatriots, had been setting traps and lying in wait for the unsuspecting individual who was fool enough to attempt to walk home.

A casual shake of the arm does nothing to dislodge him so you begin to experiment, trying to determine precisely which body part his ingenious silken thread is attached to.

It’s not the elbow as you first surmised, as waving it around in an imitation of a chicken with a broken wing did nothing other than cause him to twitch slightly while still hanging calmly in mid-air.

You realize that his thread seems to be getting shorter, somehow, despite your efforts to make him return to whence he came. He’s still getting closer and closer.

Beginning to panic now, you start waving your other hand around the vicinity of where you think his thread might be, but maybe it’s the slight breeze, or maybe you’re losing your mind, because you can’t seem to make contact with the silken line of doom.

He’s now within striking distance and you’re running out of time, you have to do something! Squatting on the pavement you lower your arm to the ground and try to encourage him to move on his way. The stubborn little jerk doesn’t care one whit for your feelings and remains attached, mocking you.

Unable to bear the obvious contempt he is projecting at you, you do the impossible. You remain in your squat, lower your elbow to the ground and in one incredible feat of human acrobatics you perform a squatting hop, bringing your foot down beside your elbow and permanently remove the little pest.

As you straighten in triumph, a satisfied grin upon your face, you remember where you are, and how many people have just watched you fight for your life.

Against an opponent that was too small for any of them to see.

After giving the entire population of your city undeniable proof that the drug use is clearly on the rise, what can you do but continue home, head held high. No one else might understand what they have just seen, but you know the honour you have just garnered. In the fight Humans VS Spiders, after all the struggle and torment, you have finally gained yourself another point.

The tides have been turned, they cannot stop us now.

spider-564685_640

You: 2
Spiders: 3,567

It’s on.

(In related news: The last time a win of this magnitude was achieved was November 5, 2012)

  • Roberta

    All the world’s a stage or in this case a bridge…the audience was entertained….actor got kudos !